WITHIN, part 7

Our one car broke down last week, leaving me stranded and walking miles very late at night in the -16 degree temperatures.  I was on my hour commute home from a 12 hr shift at work.   Im not going to lie, it was very scary.  The car was towed to our house, but 5 days later we still have not been able to leave our home for anything - not church, not school, not work, not food.  Ive let family, friends and people near us know, yes even people from church; no one has offered any help.    What they have offered is criticism.  

This seems to be the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.   

We are taught from the pulpit that when in need or despair we should reach out to our community of Believers.  But when I do that I get simply, "I'm so sorry" or the battering of words on how I must leave Doug, take this bull by the horns, how he should be doing this that or the other or should have been doing this that or the other for however long.    I basically take a lashing.  But oddly, no one ever confronts Doug.  Ever!  In 8 years!  Isn't that curious.

It's been 8 years of constant uncertainty and upheaval.  Don't people think that this is far harder for me to live daily than for them to watch?  I'm sorry that it's gone on for what many consider too long, I have no control over it .  I am following my husband, as I am Asked.   What I can control and subdue, I have.

Does no one read Job? Because it seems there is a large number of "Jobs friends" walking around still today offering their same impotent counsel.   Does no one know how to comfort?  Does no one have any idea how to say the simple sentence, "how can I help you?"  Im not speaking of monetary help, before the excuses begin.   
Or does extending comfort only come for a season?  When things go on too long then one must steer clear as it's just too messy or uncomfortable?  I think its simply a matter of becoming too judgmental to step beyond yourself and engage?   

I'm despairing and doubting.  I've never been here before.  And what I get from "community" is "I'm so sorry" as they go back to their padded lives, or worse, "get the hell out of there".  Is there really nothing else?

The American "church" has no idea how to suffer... without pills, or making their own way of escape when things have gone too long or too unexpected.  THIS is one reason why there are countless thousands who never take our Testimony seriously!


O that you would altogether hold your peace! And it should be your wisdom.