Still louder than the clamor of dishes banging against the sides of sinks, this moment a modern version of How Great Thou Art by Lindsay Kane is loudly heralding through the Camp kitchen speakers. A counselor, college age, sings her heart out. Another, male, the same age, sings as well; a bit softer but in perfect unison and spirit. Their backs are to me - they are doing dishes. And my lips, across a stainless countertop, whisper the words as well.
I suddenly think of Mary's response to seeing Jesus - running instantly, loudly to tell. And the Disciples, quieter yet just as active a response of running. Men and women so different, yet hearts so inclined to Life.
I can not speak, only whisper, but my heart, suddenly, is wide, wide, wide open. His Presence so real, so Holy.
There is a deep and rushing joy within me that causes me to not breathe this moment. To reach for my computer to capture the rapturous moment. Oh please let it last.
I have not had joy like this even one day in this job. Not one. But today, this morning, it came rushing like an ocean overwhelming me, bringing me to tears as the counselors here for staff training cycled through the morning breakfast buffet line.
Why today, Lord?
Why have you hidden Your Face from me?
Why has it been so hard, so hard for me to adjust to this life?
Oh, my Holy God.
I have not worshipped in weeks. Have read, listened to worship songs and podcasts. Have prayed, wept, been amiss, angry, filled with strife and confusion. Have confessed, repented and repeated. Wondered what in the world we are doing here and why in the world we could come to a place that I loved, only to begin to feel its the last place in the world I want to be. I have grimaced as my husband prays over our family in thankfulness for being here. Ive waited.
But they sing, worship, and I listen. And begin to whisper with them. Slowly at first, no sound able to escape.
Today, this morning, my heart joins with the world shapers once again. My heart sings alongside those who have chosen to serve for this summer. The campers will be here in one week. We are all here so they can hear the Gospel.
Oh Lord, prepare them to serve these kids, prepare me to serve them. Lead us by your Spirit and equip us with your Love. Please call your people to Yourself, please change lives here this summer. Oh break us for Your Glory so we may pour out a Testimony of Beauty and Life. Help us to do this well. Help me to do this well.
Oh thank You for a moment in Your Presence, this real and tangible moment of Joy inexplicable, Joy that changes everything - thats reminds me, encourages me, fills me to overflowing levels. One moment so Beautiful.
Do they know that when they sing such Truth, Love and Beauty is present? Im going to tell them right now.