I had just finished this post when my phone rang. It was Doug.
"Im headed up the hill, can I take you to dinner?"
Now, you would think I could have thought of anything to say besides what I said... "Do I have to get ready?"
Typically Im not a yoga pants, mascara only, pull my hair through and halfway back through a ponytail kind of girl. Im not judging, I went through years when I was. Granted, I was at the gym all of those days, but still. But, the girls got older and didnt need me to dress them, feed them, redress them after they spilled whatever allover themselves, etc and I had more time. I also got to a point where I wanted to feel like myself again and messy doesnt make me feel like me. So...all that being said, there are few days when Im still in workout clothes and without a good hair fixing at 5:30pm. But today was one of those days. It was our last day of school for the year.
Last night I fell over, passed out asleep, at 8:00pm. I woke at 11:00pm and went to find Doug in his study to tell him goodnight; he was smiling when he saw me, already knowing what I thought I was announcing - "I fell asleep." Kissed him, barely got my face washed and was back asleep. I was exhausted. I still am. Its like a whole year of muchness just hit me and Ive let down - had no idea I was so tired. So, today I wore yoga pants, did the mascara routine and pulled my hair through and halfway back through a ponytail. And that was a concerted effort.
So I said, "Do I have to get ready?"
"No, absolutely not."
Gotta love that.
So he picked me up and took me to a new place in town. It was casual, but admittedly I was the only woman there in yoga pants. Grin. Just after our appetizers were delivered he set a card on the table for me. I was really taken by surprise.
Tears came as I read the words.
There were so many days and months that I felt so alone in this journey. He gave me his blessing in it, but that was all. For three years actually it was that way. I cried so many nights over it. I really wanted and needed him to stand with me; it can be a lonely, demanding journey. Oddly, things began to shift in that regard when we were in the hardest season of our marriage thus far. I remember when he sat next to me at the Carole Joy Seid conference in 2011, asking if I had gotten this or that (taking notes) while she spoke. I remember crying as I wrote, so wholly thankful. He was 100% there with me. He understood the whys of my homeschooling choice and he finally shared the vision. What a Gift. And since that time he has talked me through the rough moments when I was ready to put them on the bus, brought me sweet treats to brighten rough days, danced with me in the countless triumphs and joys and breathed encouragement and direction into my heart on a weekly basis.
I thought of all of that as I closed the card back up and slipped it inside the pink envelope. He looked at me from across the table and shared even more of his heart.
Im not alone in this anymore. I really never was. But its amazing to now have his daily love and support in this endeavor of the heart. Amazing Gift.
I thank God for all of these answered prayers.