You know when you are underwater but you can see the surface? You know how you sometimes will stay under just as long as your lungs can hold you there without bursting? That is how I have felt lately. Though the quiet beneath the surface was a place of rest and a place to clear my mind, it is now that I know I must return remembering what I have been pondering in the peaceful depths.
At the beginning of the summer I felt a strong need to back away from my public writings. Too many had begun to follow and contact me regarding their own agendas for what I might bring to their table from my head to hand communications. I could see my writings were beginning to be performance based, and it made me very uncomfortable. When in doubt about anything I find it best to fast from it for a time - until a bit of clarity returns. So I did.
What I learned from my time away from public writing is that I dont want this space to be a place where I spew formulas or harshness at my readers or myself. I want it to be a place of testimony. I want it to be a place where I share from the heart...from my own trials and triumphs. I am currently in a 3 (and continuing) year season of isolation and waiting in silence. It has been desperately hard. Every, every, every area of my life has been tested. It continues to be in many ways. But I know there is more than desperation before me. And as I ask (plead) the Lord to know His Joy, in any and all circumstances, I realize that He is growing something new in me. But growth will not be controlled by me, as I seemed to think when I began the other blog some years ago.
So I begin a new page of public sharing...one entitled Nothing Artificial...to remind me each time I come here to write that this place is a place of testimony and not performance. That my life is a place of testimony and not performance, that my marriage and parenting and friendships and ministries are a place of testimony and not performance. That there is a love story everyday of my life that is sung in that testimony that requires zero performance.
Thank you for encouraging me in my writings. If you are here that means I have given you my forwarding address because I want to continue to share with you. Please comment when you feel led. I so enjoy hearing from others who care to read my heartsong.
All the old posts from the former blog are imported here...in case you want to review the history.