Are you moving? This has been going on for 2 years, hasnt it???
I thought you were gone already!
Where are you moving this time...do you guys change your mind every week?
Its a roller coaster with you guys!
I thought it was Colorado...you guys seem very unsettled!!
You dont know where you are going...huh, what does that mean?
Its not like you are actually missionaries or something...Doug has a corporate job!
Why havent you decided yet...I mean, make a plan already!
If God is leading you, why dont you know where you are going?
You are packed and ready to move but dont know where??? Dont you think thats unstable?
Do you have any plans for your future at all? What about the girls??
How are your girls handling this...this doesnt seem good for them!?
How can you stand all the uncertainty in your life? You are not 20 anymore!
Your husband needs to get it together and make a decision!
What about school for your girls...dont they need outside classes?
What about community...dont they need community?
What about socialization...dont they need socialization?
Are you not concerned about all of this? You need to be their advocate!
How can you keep letting this linger...you need to make a decision!
People just dont live this way...I mean, do you know anyone else living like this???
Why are you trusting Doug to make these decisions anyway...is that safe for you and the girls? I would never trust my husband to do that!
I think the way you are living your life and making your choices is crazy!
You are brainwashed!
I would never do that! I would never want to!
You just need to get some clarity so you can be leaders for your kids!
You have gone off the deep end...you used to be so stable!
You are in denial!
What has happened to you in your time in Minnesota? You didnt used to be like this!
I dont know you anymore!
5 years ago you had it all together, were the total woman...what has happened to you?
All of these are actual things that have been said to me in the past year. I look at the list and see something. Do you? I see fear.
Fear that if others "accept" this counter cultural way that we have chosen to proceed in our family life, that we might, in some way, ask them to do the same. Otherwise, why do they care? It isnt affecting them in any way, shape or form. Unless it is.
Im not asking anything of anyone. Im just walking it out in my own faith. I was spiritually prompted about a year ago to make a commitment to the Lord that when it came time to move, and to choose schooling for the girls, I would let Doug lead. And so, with much fumbling and flopping (and about biting my tongue clean through at times), I am trying to do that.
Encouragement in truly following your husband, when he isnt living by others timelines or definitions (and especially when he seeks zero earthly validation), is near nonexistent. Women think they have more insight, answers and calling to lifes questions than men. And boy do they have judgement in droves. So they typically dont wait...especially on their husbands. Especially if it takes while. Admittedly it is not easy.
One thing is being asked of me right now...to follow my husband. I am trusting the Lord to speak through Doug and to lead through Doug. Its a gamble, I know. But its what Im choosing, praying and preaching to myself. My hope is not in Doug, its in the Lord speaking and working and protecting me and the girls through Doug. You see, I think that was the design for marriage all along.
Doug has no answers yet, so we wait. With boxes packed. With renters coming. With deadlines that may come and go. Many, many, many doors have opened, only to be closed again - which, though neck snapping at times, I believe is Providential. Doug could just open a door himself and walk us through. He certainly could. But if I want him to lead, musnt I step back and let him lead - without stepping back in and telling him how to, and on what timeframe, and in what form, at what juncture?
As far as the girls go...yes, this is hard for them, and yet they are joyful lights around this house. No gloom and doom from them, but certainly there have been moments of tears on their part. We have had many a moment of intense heart discussion as they pour out their desires for what they might encounter in the way of friends and community wherever our new home may be. As far as school goes, we start on Tuesday just as we always planned and always have...the day after Labor Day! And when we get where we are going I am trusting that what we need (in the way of classes, tutors, sports, friends, etc) will be Provided. But what if this, walking it out with them (good and the hard), is the most substantial filling for the deepest needs that they have? What if watching this leaning hard and trusting deeply in the Lord is the exact prescription for the ailments of the early teenage years - insecurity, identity, etc? What if this is the exact training ground they need...to watch their self righteous mother sit down and watch their proud father bend his knee and ear to wait on the Lord while the world looks on with pity in their eyes and disgust on their tongues?
This moment we are all where we need to be...
Now... if we can just abide.